Human sexuality is a complicated issue and one which still isn’t fully understood. If you ask 100 people what they consider sexy, you’re likely to get at least 100 different answers and plenty will leave you scratching your head. At the same time, that’s one of the great things about sex – it’s so incredibly varied. At the same time, no matter how crazy a kink is, there’s always at least one other person who is into the same thing. Sex toy manufacturers love tapping into these niche markets and regularly offer strange products that entertain people as much as they turn others on. But there are always some sex toy products that simply fall flat and don’t seem to have any real audience so we can’t help but wonder what were they thinking?

1. The Area 51 Love Doll

This one could appeal to men who grew up watch Captain Kirk romance his way across the galaxy in Star Trek. At the same time, anything coming out of Area 51 is likely to be something you wouldn’t exactly want to stick any part of your body into. The doll comes with “3 Out of This World Love Holes” making it similar to other love dolls. But it also features three breasts and, bizarrely, two belly buttons. In fact, the doll is pretty human and so may not satisfy men who really want to create an alien seduction.

2. Electrocution Gloves

Fantasies involving electricity aren’t that uncommon, but administering shocks as an amateur definitely is. Nevertheless, there are gloves you can buy which promise to deliver a jolt just where most people don’t want it. The warning on who shouldn’t use these gloves is fairly lengthy and reading up on the possible side effects is likely to leave you feeling anything but horny.

3. The Grown Up Rubber Ducky

There are some toys which become icons in their own right. Legos, tinker toys and, of course, that bath time favourite, the rubber ducky. It has become nearly synonymous with childhood, which is why it’s so strange to see it modified as a ‘personal massager’ in the adult section of websites. Waterproof vibrators are popular, though they usually are shaped like … well, dildos.

4. The Vibrator Periscope

Using vibrators during sex can be a lot of fun and they’ve become a common part of sex for many couples. But the Vibrating Pleasure Periscope takes things up a notch and invites partners to peer inside their lover’s body effectively turning them into some weird science fair exhibit. Watching your partner’s face and body as they become increasingly aroused and approach orgasm can be hot, but staring at the inside of their body is more likely to make you feel as though you should be in a lab coat.

5. Stuffoscope

If peering inside you lover’s body isn’t enough, then perhaps you’d like to hear it as well. That’s the thinking behind the Stuffoscope, a dildo with a stethoscope attached. According to the sales copy you can listen to your lover’s body as you move the dildo in and out. Of course it begs the question – what are you going to hear coming from the inside? While your love is moaning and groaning you’re more likely to hear a lot of squishing and maybe a rumbly stomach if you went out for Indian earlier in the evening.

6. The Dildo Gas Mask

Attaching a dildo to a person’s chin isn’t exactly unheard of, especially in the world of BDSM. Likewise, gas masks have been used as an erotic accessory for a number of different fetish genres, but what if you combined the two? That’s exactly what one company did. The logistics behind its use are baffling enough, but you can’t help but think your partner might take it personally when you break out a gas mask during sex.

7. Mr. Jack with Mustache

In terms of overall creepiness, this entry definitely wins top spot. Toys to simulate oral sex are a dime a dozen, but this one has to be the most poorly designed – and poorly conceived – of the bunch. With its completely unnatural sickly pale flesh colour, a moustache that looks like a cross between Velcro and felt and ‘pleasure nubs’ that look more like tongue warts, this sex similar is likely to put you off blowjobs for life.