Celebrating sexuality in all its healthy forms has become increasingly socially acceptable over the past few years. While some fetishes remain taboo, others have gone mainstream and have become a part of fashion, music and entertainment. The success of books like ’50 Shades of Grey’ and movies such as ‘Secretary’ prove many people are attracted to a fetish lifestyle, but how can they find what fits?

Exploring Fetishism

Learning more about a fetish is easy enough to do, but finding ways in which you’re comfortable bringing it into your life can be a more daunting task. For many the problem is simple – it’s fear. Not fear of pain, but fear of being judges, mocked or laughed at by their spouse or partner. There’s also a fear of not being sure you’ll like it once you try it, and worrying about how you’ll feel if you have to call the whole thing off. These are common and perfectly natural concerns, but they should never keep you from exploring and trying new things in the bedroom

Fetishism has become recognized as more than just a bit of fun – scientists have found it can actually make you happier and healthier. A number of studies have been conducted on the connection between a fetish lifestyle – specifically BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) – and personal happiness. Two of these studies have made headlines around the world. One, published in 2007 and focusing on Australian men, found that men who indulged in a spanking fetish were generally happier than other men surveyed. Another wider study published in 2013, found that practitioners of BDSM were not only happier, but more well-adjusted, open to trying new things and had stronger relationships than their vanilla counterparts.

Claiming Your Kink

Now that you know just how good for you indulging in some fetish behaviour can be, it’s time to find what will work best. Some people already know what they want to try while others struggle finding a world in which they fit in. Of course, every fetish niche has levels of intensity – one man’s whipping is another man’s reward after all. So they key may be finding the right balance of intensity once you choose a fetish. How do you decide where to start?

• Think About What Turns You On – Seems a bit obvious but some people get so used to going through the motions, they don’t stop to consider what they use to get their juices flowing. Take a moment to consider the porn you watch, the erotica you read or even the clothes you find sexiest. Love high boots and fishnets? BDSM might be for you. Or maybe you focus on the shoes, gloves or other specific piece of clothing – a foot or hand fetish might be in your future.

• Check Out Communities and Information – Websites like FetLife, Alt and Fetish Exchange have all become the go to places for advice, information and support. Newbies and experts can come together to share experiences, guidance and help with understanding how to play safe.

• Talk to Your Partner – If you already have a spouse or committed partner, don’t wait until the last minute to bring them into the mix. Involving them even as you’re researching and learning can add to the fun and can turn your research project into a prolonged sort of foreplay.

Finding your kin doesn’t have to be hard, and it doesn’t have to be scary. Learning more about what turns you on and makes you happy can improve your sex life and your general well-being. Best of all, this kind of ‘couple’s project’ promotes bonding and helps to strengthen a relationship. Don’t worry if your kinks don’t match up perfectly the first time. Working with one another, you can find ways to combine your respective kinks and turn up the heat between the sheets.